I cannot hold my feelings inside any longer, I must share with the world just how much I love your beautifully popped ollies. I go to sleep at night thinking about the majestic strength of your calf muscles and wake up in a hot sweat after dreaming about them all night. I go through my day, eager and excited to get home and watch all your parts on youtube over and over…nothing else matters for those few precious moments as you soar through the air like a gentle dove and land with the force of a tiger on the hunt. My heart skips a beat and my lower lip quivers just writing about it. I will never forget my first time realizing just how lovely your body moves when you slam that stiff piece of elongated wood against the ground. On that fateful day only a few weeks ago, I happened to paused your part in “Lumber Jockeys” at exactly 1 minute and 20 seconds: I couldn’t believe my eyes, my whole life changed from that moment on. I sat and stared for what felt like hours…imagining what it was like to be half tiger half dove. How did the tip of your hard deck point down in such a way that shivers were instantly sent up my spine? I became a fiend to see more, I began to miss important assignments and not show up for the job I don’t have. After each ollie I found, I would giggle with excitement and gaze upon your perfectly tweaked legs…
I didn’t know it was possible for a person to be inches away from kicking themselves in the side of the face so gracefully. I began to fail my classes and my internet history was filled with nothing but Google image searches for “Josh Steele’s Calf Muscles”. I have never felt this way about any single persons ollie before and promise you with all my heart that that will never change. With that epically flamboyant line, I will leave the world with one last photo that sealed the deal on my man-crush:
I hope we can shred soon and you won’t be too weirded out when I stop and stare at each and every one of your rippling leg muscles. Miss you.